Don't call it a festival, don't call it half-cocked.

But it's not just about the Tote here in Melbourne.
Look at this- the Birmingham's second birthday, a bunch of strange noisy Brisbane stuff at the Gertrude Contemporary Art Space under the "Psycho Subtropics" banner, and the Community Cup have all aligned.this week.
This means that there are thirty five bands playing, over two days, at three unrelated events, for a grand total of $5.00- which is what it will cost you to get into the Cup. With a game of football thrown in, too.
Here, I've put them in alphabetical order to make it easy for you, with a note of who's on where:

Abject Leader GCAS
Alex Cuffe GCAS
Baptism Of Uzi Birmy
Big Smoke Birmy
Chaos Kids Birmy
Chloe Cogle GCAS
Cured Pink GCAS
Danni Zuvela GCAS
Dead Farmers Birmy
Dick Diver Birmy
Dozers Birmy
Gerald Keaney GCAS
Greasers Birmy
Grizzly Jim Lawrie Band Birmy
In Tongues Birmy
Joel Stern GCAS
Keggin Birmy
Little Freddie & the Pops Community Cup
Madonna Birmy
Nick Barker & the Reptiles Community Cup
Ross Manning GCAS
Sarah Byrne GCAS
Scale Free Network GCAS
Scraps GCAS
Ship's Piano Birmy
Sky Needle GCAS
Swamplords GCAS
Teen Archer Birmy
The Black Hill Five Birmy
The Blackeyed Susans Community Cup
The Living End Community Cup
The Priory Dolls Birmy
The Stabs Birmy
This War Birmy
Wil Wagner & the Smith St. Orchestra Birmy

And here are the relevant artworks/handbills/scrawl for each one, too:



I've gotta say, things like this make combing the fine print of street press listings kinda redundant.

Freaks and a festival.

Have you ever seen Telecom? No? I didn't think so.

Despite the fact they have no drummer anymore, the Old Bar are kindly letting them play this Friday night, along with Sweetmac, Daughterboy Jao and Damn The Torpedoes. One of the guys from Telecom tells me Damn The Torpedoes are pretty good, so maybe an early start and an early night is best.

Then something on the southside for Sunday:

I'm not quite sure what kind of fuckwit thinks Ripponlea is a secret. There's a goddamn train station there and everything. Still, this from a local council who issues media releases about public toilets. Anyway, there are walking tours and such , then from 3.00pm Fred Negro & Dave Mole, the Bittersweet Kicks, Frank Lee Earnest & the Empty Glasses and Spencer P. Jones are playing for free on the Lyrebird stage, at 61 Glen Eira Rd. Right by that station I mentioned earlier.

Death of a pub

Well, the planning application notices are now in for the Greyhound- they are going to mess around with the downstairs bar & bandroom, and install a sauna on the first floor. That will be a neat trick if they can manage it, the building is about a hundred years old- even a large bathtub would fall through the floor once it was full of water, let alone when a few blokes pile in too. Another sex-on-site place, just what the neighbourhood needs. You can object online via that link if you feel moved to do so.
I'll post the full line up for the final Hound shows soon. Interesting to see that the Pint On Punt is already putting it's best foot forward to fill the void. You can drop in and see Fred Negro in his native habitat:


The garage/kebab joint across the street from the Hound is being demolished already, and I forgot to buy a last dim sim for old times sake. Damn.

Can't think what to call this one.

So much going on this weekend...

One of Melbourne's living rock & roll treasures, Mr. Fred Negro, is inviting everyone in town to his birthday party at the Pint on Punt in Windsor on Friday 2nd February. He'll be taking the stage with the Twits , and has promised special guests, fun and drunken depravity. Well, he didn't actually promise drunken depravity but it's a safe bet, trust me.

I like this graphic for the Devil's Kitchen Festival, which is on over the next two weekends at the CERES eco-park, hippy sanctuary or whatever it is.


At this stage it looks like I'll be taking my own advice - someone has to- and seeing Jon Langford on Saturday afternoon.

Hmmm, what else?
Oh yeah- that old charmer Quincy McLean reminds me that Blue Ruin have re-tooled their 1986 LP "Flame" for CD, and are re-launching it at the Corner Hotel with support from Kill Devil Hills and James McCann & the Dirty Skirts on Saturday night.

I'm sure there is something going on on Sunday too, but I plan to be somewhere quiet, with a hammock & a martini shaker. Somewhere like this:

2006 Top Ten list. At last.

I sent this in to the I-94 Bar a little bit late, so it's not going up there until the Barman gets back from holiday/out of detox.
Regardless, this is the shit-hot illustrated interactive version. It took me HOURS to do, so I would appreciate it if you could at least read the goddamn thing, OK?
In rough chronological order, then, here's a list of things that made an impression on me last year:

1- Getting kidnapped from the Niagara exhibition opening night at Outre Gallery, by Niagara & Colonel Galaxy. Two of the most charming and witty people you could ever hope to meet- Tracey and I spent an excellent hour or so drinking and chatting with them in the deserted beer garden of the Town Hall Hotel in North Melbourne.
We picked up a copy of the "Hot Box" 5 CD set, as well as a print:

2- Having my nose broken by an old friend in a stupid fight. I fixed it myself, at the bar of the Greyhound Hotel, with a handful of ice cubes in a napkin. Looked straight enough at the time.
So yeah, I finally ended up in Fred Negro's "Pub" comic strip- the hard way:

3- The second Tiger By The Tail LP. If it lacked the same impact as the first, that’s only because I had a better idea of what to expect. I’m looking forward to more from them in 2007.

4- Brewing- among other things, I brewed three batches of all-grain beer this year- malt, water, hops & yeast. From mash to mouth in a month. All tasted pretty damn fine to me, too. Then Little Creatures Brewery released their Bright Ale, which kind of removed the need to make it myself.
But our labels are better than theirs

5-
Pet frogs- if you want a really Zen pet, get a tree frog. They just sit there and look at you in a very calming way. Don’t get a yabbie, it will end in tears.
Note: they do get an absolutely murderous look in their eyes at feeding time, though. And they make a noise like a chainsaw, click here and scroll down to "calls" to listen. Then imagine hearing that at 6.00am in the morning, and repeated at random throught the day.

6- I can’t believe I only saw the Drones once in a whole year. Shit.

7- Radio Birdman- both “Zeno Beach” and the live shows. Standing inside the crush barriers at their final Melbourne show for the last few songs gave me as intense a barrage of music as I’ve ever seen and felt in my life. And of course them Bellrays, too. What did Lisa Kekaula whisper in my ear that night? I’ll never tell…
And I still can't get over this poster, which arrived in the mail, unsolicited and unexpected:

8- The net- all that myspace, podcast, message board and blogging stuff. I found old friends-hi, Hank! hi, Lindsay!- made new ones- hi, Grrtch!- heard some great new music, and tried to spread the word. Hope you found it entertaining.

9- Ian Rilen. Enough said.

10- Now I’m not really a list guy, so I’m gonna cheat by sticking a load of things in one item. I didn’t like the way the epicentre of live music in Melbourne got dragged even further north of the city this year. I did like the way so many people got it together and released their own CDs. Looking forward to – new Beasts of Bourbon, Penny Ikinger, Killer Birds & Double Agents CDs, the Lethal Weapons reissue, more RRR, more Kim Volkman, less broken noses…
I've heard the new Beasts album, and it's great. The Killer Birds are being produced by Ross Knight of the Cosmic Psychos- can't wait to hear it.

Greyhound to go gay- official.

They nicked my headline!

From the Emerald Hill Weekly, 6 December 2006:
Greyhound to go gay
The 300 capacity Greyhound Hotel band room will be converted into a gay venue by March next year following its sale to the owner of a chain of gay bathhouses.
The new owner of the Greyhound operates Wet On Wellington in Collingwood, Shed 16 in Seaford and Bay City Saunas in Caulfield and Seaford.

This was in a local St. Kilda/South Melbourne newspaper yesterday, and well, I hate to say I told you so. Chalk up a scoop for the Last Tram Home, I guess.
But I will say that I still think this is bad news, not because I’m anti-gay, but because I’m pro-sticky carpet local rock & roll venues.
Full article here, click on the (crappy) scan to enlarge.