Some neutral advice

DO NOT try and shift 20 longnecks of homebrew in a two-wheeled shopping trolley. It will break. And you then will have to carry the fucking thing. Note- not a supermarket trolley, which from experience can handle four slabs easily- one of these contraptions:
Also, DO NOT use the scissors on a Swiss Army knife to cut steel guitar strings. it will work, in that the strings will come off, but it will also ruin your scissors for anything else. Clearly, this is not an issue faced in Switzerland. This is the first thing that has managed to damage my knife, and I am pissed off. The Swiss should stick to what they know- cue picture of new Lindt Petit Desserts Dark Orange:That is all.

Throw up, throw down

There's a few diverse things on this week.
The Old Bar is having a series of benefit gigs this week, to get the place a/soundproofed then b/a new PA. And there are some top bands playing:

The slushie machine will be set to "purple" all weekend. You have been warned.

On Saturday afternoon, Crystal Thomas and the Flowers Of Evil play Pure Pop Records in St. Kilda, at 4.00pm.

And that's free, as usual.

Then on Saturday evening, there is a "yacht rock throwdown" between Karma County and the Lurid Yellow Mist, at the Toff:

Now that's a phrase you don't hear everyday.

Nothin' Grows In Melbourne

A recent find, the video for the Sacred Cowboys' debut single 'Nothing Grows In Texas', shared courtesy of Mr Garry Gray. I'll let him tell it:

Film clip by Rob Howard featuring: yours truly, Mark Ferrie, Terry Doolan, Johnny Crash and Andrew Picouleau. Thanks to Mark's daughter Ramona (the toddler) ... and the mystery tow truck driver who hauled the cowmobile (Terry's Falcon) ... out of the swamp... the Studebaker Hawk belonged to my brother, David....voila...(not in the clip but on keyboards: Ian Forrest).

Been a long time since I saw this. Filmed over in Mobiltown, which was, as you can see, basically just a railway station in a strange and desolate part of town. Just over the Westgate, by the refineries. There is still nothing much there.

No cow skulls were harmed during the making of this picture

Saturday night, uh-huh uh-huh

Well, a big night at the Forum on Saturday. I couldn't find a poster, but I did find this excellent Forum logo, which made me laugh out loud, for some reason:



Guess you have to know the place, really. Anyway, the mighty Drones are playing, with support from Kim Salmon and the Surrealists and Kes Band. Not sure who is in this line up of the Surrealists, but I'm sure that they will be excellent anyway. This is kinda a launch for the Drones new LP 'Havilah', by the way, and I did find a pic of that:


And do remember that it's a big race day on Saturday, so there will be a fair bit of sluts in frocks action going on:

Try not to get too much puke on your shoes.

Springtones

This gets it's own special little springtime post. Like a shy green bud...

Yes, the good folks at Mistletone Records have kept to schedule, and are presenting another in their series of seasonal showcases at the Tote on Sunday, from 3.00pm. You can see what it's all about, right there.

Stuffed

Well, if I was a hot-rodding type, I'd be heading out of town this weekend, up to Newstead for this:

The idea of seeing the Hatchets, Ninetynine, Paper Planes, Bulls and the Stabs play outdoors, at night, with the kind of crowd I'm (perhaps lazily) assuming will go this is very, very tempting. But I'm not. So, moving on...

The Espy will be packed on Friday, and not just with an early crop of English backpackers. In the front bar, you can catch Deaf Wish, Brisbane's Vegas Kings, Kids Of Zoo and Pistons Misfire, with DJ Sam Kamikaze (aka Sam Agostino, of Kamikaze Trio & Digger and The Pussycats) before after and probably during the bands. And that's all free. While out in the Gershwin Room, you can see the Cosmic Psychos, the Spazzys, GUT and Mammoth Mammoth for a measly $10.00. $10.00!

Something tells me that hallway carpet is going to take a pounding.

Across town, at a newish place called Yah Yahs, Crystal Thomas and the Flowers Of Evil are launching their (excellent) debut CD:

It's at 99 Smith St. Fitzroy, and apparently is pretty OK. Supports from the Stu Thomas Paradox & Andrew McCubbin and the Hope Addicts. And as you can see, they'll be launching in Sydney and Adelaide over the net few weeks, too.

On Saturday I may go to this ridiculous thing:

which is on at Birrarung Marr, and sees a bank celebrate it's 150th birthday by sponsoring a half-arsed, semi-arty and patronisingly indigenously-themed mini festival in a park. But the awesome Wagons are throwing in a half hour set, so it may be worth a quick look.

MOPBA

Yes, it's that time of the year again.

For the fourth year running, Helen Round is presenting the Museum Of Particularly Bad Art show. I think this is the first time that it's been roped in as part of the Melbourne Fringe Festival, but the idea is the same as ever.

The criteria are simple(ish):

• Completely devoid of technical skill (Colour, tone, perspective and shading)
  
• Unusual, poor or tasteless subject matters (Preferably all three!)
  
• Undeniable passion, driven by an uneducated hand.
  
• That ‘special’ feeling that forms in your gut
  

Launch night is Friday 3rd October, at the Chapel Off Chapel, in Prahran. More details, and plenty of examples,  at that link above.